The Pagan Yogi

Presence and Love Be present; open the heart; be here, now. That is all we are asked to do; all that we can do.  Be present - open the heart - be here. In the love, and the hurt, the certainty and confusion; in the swirl and tempest of arising, and in the still centre of the storm.  Be present. Open the heart. Be here, now.  It’s this that you came into being for - to experience this - all of it: every pain and ecstasy of the flesh, every doubt and certainty of the mind. This is what incarnation is for: to Be here, now, in the midst of it all, with an open heart and a fully realised soul. Yes, it is all illusion - a great and beautiful cosmic drama: the ONE become many, each with their parts and their roles to play in the infinite unfolding of the discovery of the Cosmic Soul, the ultimate Truth - each illusory oneness of consciousness so deeply committed to their part that we forgot it’s just a role in a play of ‘let’s pretend’ - a vast and gloriously infinite game of hide an

Om mani padme hum! Aum Namah Shivaya! Allah Akbar! The kingdom of God is within you:  God is inside. God is. Inside. The Unmanifest Divine is here: in my heart, in the very atoms of my body and soul. If you open the heart, you will find that you already have all you ever needed to be free: because here , in the cave of my heart, is the gateway to bliss.   So many voices speaking the same Truths. So many facets to the infinite Gem; So many faces to the nameless One. So many masks, infinitely mirrored, reflecting and refracting the one True Source. So many petals to the Infinite Lotus as it endlessly unfolds upon the Ocean of Time... Every One a reaching out, an expansion of love, a lens to focus the Light of Awakening - and yet destined to become a mask beyond which few can see - an obstruction to the untouched experience of the Source itself... And yet, is all those many words not merely the ego, the rational self, trying to pin infinity with a word...? 

Shame is universal We all feel shame - you are not unique. We all feel guilt. We all are lost in our own fantasies of separation. Suffering is universal. Suffering is human, the experience of humanity. But  suffering is the gateway to the open heart - to the realisation that we ALL suffer, and are one in our suffering - and so suffering becomes the path to true compassion: for others, for oneself, and for all beings. It is the compassion of the open heart: of unconditional love - the love that recognises that all our suffering has one root cause: our false belief that we are separated from that which we love - that we are not where we should be - that we are not who we are meant to be...  All that pain, all that suffering has one source: it is the self-creating suffering of the ego-self, so desperate to feel and believe it’s own uniqueness and independent power, that it denies and turns away from the all embracing universality of experience, shuts itself off from the infinite sea

I have lived with depression, anxiety, mental illness and suicidal tendencies for much of my adult life. The one other constant - and the reason I am still here at all - is meditation, mindful movement and yoga;  without these, I know I would not still be here. I first learnt to meditate at University, joining a Zazen class taught by my Jesuit lecturers at Heythrop College in London, and Tai Chi; later, I learnt Vipassana meditation and yoga - and met so many beautiful teachers and fellow travellers and great souls along the way - they are my sangha who by their compassion and love prove to me everyday that even though life may be painful, it is still truly beautiful and hopefilled, if only you open your heart. Sitting with oneself is not always happy or pleasant (as the Zen masters say: ‘until you have wept in meditation, you have not meditated at all’...), but it is the only way to truly see and know the endless arising and falling away of the attachments and distractions of the mind

“ We meditate on the glory of the Divine Feminine: the remover of sin and ignorance and the embodiment of knowledge and light: may She open our hearts and guide us to understanding and love!” “I am the ecstasy of spirit!   Arise: let your divine inner self be enfolded in the Infinite.  Make music and love, all in my praise!  For I have been with thee from the beginning, and I am that which is attained at the end of Desire” “And Mother Mary came to me: whispered words of wisdom: ‘let it be!’” The Goddess is the same in any language: SHE is that within us that holds the light of our TRUTH - the Mother who tells us we are loved, unconditionally. That we are already where we need to be - that we already have everything we ever needed, everything we ever wanted - that we are known and we are whole and we are LOVE We have forgotten, in this age of individualism and toxic masculinity. We think we must struggle and prove ourselves, constantly. That we must work hard to overcome our s